I've Always Imagined it was You
by MessintheMirror
Summary: A drunken night leads to confessions on Noah's part. How will Rachel react?


She's not really sure how it happened, them becoming friends. It's kind of like how Santana, Brittany, and her are nearly inseparable now. One day they hated each other, the next they didn't and things progressed from there. She's not sure if the girls or the boy are her best friend, but its nice to actually have people that she can even consider for that position in her life now. She still remembers what it was like, feeling like she had no one; no, knowing that she had no one. But glee had changed that. They were all friends now, some closer then others. Quinn and she would never be best friends, but they could sit beside each other and have friendly conversations. Kurt and she would never completely agree on her fashion, but at least he didn't constantly put her down anymore. Solos were shared amongst everyone, and everyone was ok with that.

Finn and she had tried dating, but it quickly became clear, that what they thought they felt for each other was a mere fantasy. Built on it more then her week long relationship with Noah had been even. They were each looking for something in each other, which would make the bad in their life better. It took them a month to realize it, another to admit it to each other. Once it was admitted and discussed, they quickly agreed to be friends, and move on. It was only about a month before he ended up with Santana, them both realizing there was more feeling there then they had ever cared to admit.

Noah and her, that's just something different from everyone. They can be completely at ease with each other, just Noah and Rachel. She's so much more relaxed now a days, but even more so when it's just the two of them. They talk about things that no one else knows, even going so far as to discuss feelings for things that they have been through.

It's the summer before their senior year, and Matt's parents are out of town. They take the chance to throw an end of summer bash, inviting nearly the whole school it feels like. She shows up with Santana and Brit, as usual and quickly makes her way to the kitchen with them. She hops up on the counter, Santana between her legs and Brit next to her. Santana is looking for Finn, who will be arriving with Noah anytime. Britt sees Mike and quickly rushes off to join him. Matt and Quinn are sitting in a chair in the living room, her on his lap, watching a couple of boys play some video game. They've been together for about a year now, and are just about perfect for each other. Santana grabs two wine coolers, handing one to Rachel. She drinks it slowly, not wanting to get too wasted. She's only been drunk a handful of times, and is still getting used to the feeling. She can instantly tell when Finn has entered Santana's eye sight, because her body perks up even more then before, a huge smile gracing her face. It's hard to believe sometimes that this is the same girl that used to call her manhands. She squeezes Rachel's knee, telling her she'll be back shortly. She hops over to Finn, throwing her body at him, wrapping her legs and arms around him. You would think it had been months instead of hours since they last saw each other. Noah rolls his eyes, clapping Finn on the shoulder before making his way over to her. He grabs a beer and positions himself between her legs, facing her with his hands on her thighs. She watches him as he takes a draw off his beer, swallowing nearly half of it quickly.

"Hi," she says, flashing him a small smile.

"Hey yourself babe. Looking hot tonight. Though you always do," he says a smirk on his face as he rubs his hands down her thighs to her knees.

They make small talk, him downing beers like there's no tomorrow, quickly getting drunk. She has about two and a half wine coolers, before he grabs her waist, pulling her off the counter. He sets her on the ground, takes her hand and pulls her out of the room. She sees Santana flash a curious look, but Rachel throws her a quick smile and quickly hurries after Noah, who seems to be in a slight rush.

They enter one of the guest rooms, the one that Noah has had a claim on for years. He lays down on the bed, bringing her down with him. He pulls her into his side, wrapping his arms around her, stroking her hair. They've done this many times this summer, now that Noah has sworn off random hook ups. He's trying to be a better man, his words. They end most nights together, since everyone in the club is pretty matched up. They lay there, quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly, Noah places a soft kiss on her forehead and speaks.  
"You know I regret ever slushying you right? Regret starting all the stuff that led to the way you were treated. Things could be so different, would have been so different then they are now, if I had followed my gut, instead of worrying about how the next four years of my life would be if I wasn't popular, wasn't liked," he says, and she scoffs at this.

"Fine, if I wasn't feared. You know what I mean. I've never told you why I did it. Can I tell you?"

She's silent not really sure if she wants to hear the reasons. She's forgiven him, many times over, but it has always bothered her, not knowing what it was about her, that made her hate him with one glance. But she's also scared that whatever he says, could change things, put a strain on their friendship, and she doesn't want that. She doesn't realize it, but she doesn't have a choice. He speaks without waiting for an answer.

"I had heard about you all day that first day. How you were so fucking talented, had two gay dads, and just knew you were going to make something of yourself. You were everything, had everything that I had ever wanted to be or wanted to have. I was so mad, so ready to hate you. Then, someone finally pointed you out, after 3rd period. I instantly wanted you, wanted to have you. But I couldn't help but remember what they had said to me. You were too good for someone like me; someone like me would just hold you back. Ruin you. So when some upper classmen gave me the slushy and told me to throw it at you, I didn't think twice. I just did it, and never looked back. "

She lifts her head, looking at his face. His eyes are closed, like its easier to say these things if he acts like she's not there. She goes to speak, says his name, but he quickly cuts her off, obviously not done speaking. She feels that even with all the talking they've done this last year, this is the most he's really spoke to her, shared with her.

"But you were always there. I just couldn't get you out of my head. That's when I started, doing what I used to do. Being a jerk, being a manwhore, started the pool cleaning thing. I thought if I slept with those girls, that it would push you out of my head. But it never worked. It was always you that I saw, that I wanted it to be. Quinn, Santana, Brittany, all of them. I've always imagined it was you. I don't know if it's because I wanted to fuck you so badly or because I might be in love with you."  
"Noah?"  
"I really don't care. I'm down with either one, or both. Both works."  
"So you want to sleep with me and you're in love with me?"  
"Yeah, basically."

She doesn't really know what to say to that. He's so drunk right now, that she's not sure whether to take this completely serious, or to shove it to the back of her mind. It doesn't seem like something thought up in a drunken stupor, but the thought of Noah being in love with her, scares her and excites her at the same time. She had tried keeping it hidden, denying it to even herself. But the last couple of months, Santana had been pushing that there was something there between them, something that they were both trying to hide, from themselves.

"You know what makes me regret it the most babe? The hardest part in all of it." He finally opens his eyes, locking his gaze on her.

She places her hand on his chest, and she can feel his heart is starting to race. She knows that he's about to really lay it all out there, more then he already had.

"Is the thought, that we might have been together this whole time, been in love this whole time, and my one stupid decision ruined any chance we have of that. I hate myself everyday, knowing that I will probably never get you, because of what I did." He looks at her the entire time he says this, his face showing the regret, pain he is feeling about this. That look nearly kills her. She has spent this last year, trying to make him see the good in him, the man that he can be. She never thought that giving her love to him, was the one thing that he really needed.

She watches him watch her for a moment, before she slowly pushes her body up, and places a soft kiss to his lips.

"While I have no doubt, that we could have been together, and been in love, I think we needed these last three years, for us to be where we are now. So many things have happened, that while hard, I think needed to happen, to make us who we are. I wouldn't change anything Noah. You're here now, you've corrected your wrongs, and your becoming the man I've known was there all along."

He smiles a lazy smile, rubbing circle patterns into her skin showing between her top and skirt. "Does that mean that you could maybe love me too?"

She kisses him again, this time a little harder, a little longer. "I think I have for sometime now."

He pulls her to lie on top of him, hugging her to his chest. "What about the sex thing?" he says with a hearty laugh. She gently slaps his chest, laying her head back down. "I'm sure that that's a part of it too Noah." They lay there, quiet again.

"You know this makes you mine right? And that I don't plan on letting you go for a long time, if ever."

She just places a quick kiss on his chest, above his heart, "Wouldn't have it any other way Noah. I love you."

He squeezes her again, before saying, "I love you too baby, sorry its three years to late." She feels his breathing even out, and knows he's asleep. She lays there for a few minutes, before she knows he's out for the night.

She gets herself up; grabbing the pair of pajamas Santana had talked her into leaving in this room this sort of occasion. It's a University of Texas t-shirt and matching sweatpants from Victoria Secrets that Santana said Noah would love. She made her way downstairs, seeing that the party was nearly dead, with Santana and Finn on the couch, Mike and Brittany in a chair, and Kurt & Mercedes on the floor. It's an odd group, but she knows it's normal. She makes her way into the kitchen, hearing footsteps behind her.

"Cute outfit B. What did he think?" Santana asks.

"I'll let you know in the morning. He made some heartfelt confessions and then passed out."

"Confessions? What did he tell you?" Britt asks, nearly jumping in excitement. "Between us of course!" They do a three way pinkie swear, their way of knowing the secrets about to be spoken of will stay with them.

She recaps what he said, trying to say it as gently as possible. She knows that there are no feelings between these three, but it could still hurt to know that you were just a stand in for someone that they couldn't have. She finished her tale, and they both start cracking up. Rachel looks at them like their crazy, hands on her hips.

"What is so funny? I found all of it sweet, in a weird sort of way. Its kind of weird hearing you're the reason someone basically became a whore, but still." When they keep laughing, leaning on each other for support, she stomps her foot in frustration.

Finally, they have calmed down enough to stand still and look at her.

"We knew that he thought of you, I can remember at least once or twice when he called me your name! The sex was so good, I just ignored it."

She doesn't really know what to say back to that, so she drops the subject.

"So are you two together then, finally?" she hears from behind her, turning to see the rest of the group standing there. She smiles a small smile and shakes her head yes. They talk a little bit longer, before they slowly break off and head to their beds for the night.

As soon as she hits the pillow she is out. She wakes up to Noah lying beside her, watching her. He has a small smile on his face and he's playing with the hem of her Texas shirt.

"Hi."

"Hey yourself babe. Nice pj's. New?"


End file.
